Psychotherapy for Parents of Children with Defiant Behavior and Temper Tantrums

If you’re the parent of a child between ages 4 and 11 who struggles with temper tantrums, defiance, or oppositional behavior, you know how exhausting and frustrating this can be. These behaviors can leave you feeling angry, helpless, and uncertain about what to do next. Perhaps you’ve tried reasoning, consequences, or rewards, only to see the same patterns repeat themselves. You may wonder if you’re doing something wrong, or worry about what these behaviors mean for your child’s future.

You’re not alone, and there is hope. Research shows that specific, evidence-based approaches can dramatically improve these situations—not through punishment or harsh discipline, but through compassionate, structured techniques that change the patterns of interaction between you and your child. Dr. Alan Kazdin, a leading expert in child psychology at Yale University, has spent decades studying what actually works for oppositional and defiant behavior in children. His research, along with extensive studies in parent management training, demonstrates that parents can learn skills that produce meaningful, lasting change.

Understanding the Problem

Defiant behavior and tantrums in school-age children often develop through patterns of interaction that inadvertently reinforce the very behaviors parents want to eliminate. Children may learn that opposition, arguing, or explosive behavior gets them attention, helps them avoid demands, or allows them to get what they want—even if that attention is negative. The good news is that these patterns can be changed when parents learn and consistently apply specific techniques.

A Strategic, Goal-Oriented Approach

In our work together, we will be strategic, incremental, and results-focused. Rather than trying to change everything at once, we’ll prioritize the behaviors that are most disruptive or concerning to you and tackle them systematically. We’ll set clear, achievable goals and build your skills step by step, ensuring that each technique is working before adding the next. This goal-oriented approach means we’ll continuously monitor progress and adjust our strategies based on what’s actually producing results in your home.

Evidence-Based Treatment Components

The techniques I teach are grounded in decades of research on what actually produces change in children’s behavior.

Key components of our work will include:

• Positive reinforcement and praise – Learning to catch your child being good and reinforcing desirable behaviors through specific, enthusiastic praise and attention. Research consistently shows this is more powerful than punishment in shaping children’s behavior.
• Strategic use of attention – Understanding how to use your attention purposefully. You’ll learn when to provide attention, when to withhold it, and how to redirect it in ways that discourage defiance while building cooperation.
• Clear, effective commands – Many parents unknowingly give commands in ways that invite defiance. You’ll learn how to make requests that are clear, specific, and more likely to be followed.
• Establishing routines and structure – Creating predictable expectations and consequences that reduce power struggles and help your child know what’s expected.
• Planned ignoring for minor misbehaviors – Learning to strategically withdraw attention from behaviors that are annoying but not dangerous, which helps those behaviors decrease over time.
• Effective consequences when needed – When consequences are necessary, you’ll learn how to implement them in ways that are calm, consistent, and brief. Research shows that mild, consistent consequences work far better than harsh or escalating punishments.
• Building the positive relationship – Perhaps most importantly, you’ll learn techniques to strengthen your bond with your child through special time and positive interactions that aren’t centered on correction or conflict.
• Managing your own responses – Defiant behavior can trigger strong emotional reactions. We’ll work on strategies to help you stay calm and respond thoughtfully rather than reactively, even in heated moments.

What to Expect

Treatment typically involves weekly sessions where we’ll discuss what’s happening at home, troubleshoot challenges, and practice new skills. You’ll implement specific techniques between sessions and we’ll adjust our approach based on what’s working. We’ll stay focused on measurable improvements and concrete results. Most families begin seeing improvements within several weeks, though lasting change takes time and consistent practice. The investment you make now in learning these skills will benefit not only your current situation but your relationship with your child for years to come.

You don’t have to continue feeling frustrated, angry, or defeated by your child’s behavior. With the right approach—one that is both compassionate toward you and your child and grounded in proven techniques—you can restore peace to your home and help your child develop better self-control and cooperation.

Effective treatment can help you feel calmer, more confident, and more in control of your life. I invite you to reach out to discuss how we can work together toward the relief you’re seeking. Phone: 410-970-4917; Email: edgewaterpsychotherapy@gmail.com; I look forward to hearing from you and helping you on your journey toward greater peace and wellbeing.